I'm sure you've seen guys in the bar who just seem to be having the time of their lives. They're talking to everyone around them at a mile a minute. They're laughing and joking. There seems to be this bubble of fun around them that everyone standing nearby seems to be enveloped in.
These guys are "in the zone." They're in "free flow" mode. They seem to be able to do no wrong. Whatever they say, people seem interested. People laugh. Women stand around them twirling their hair and giving them the googly-eyes.
So the question becomes, how do you get in the zone? In particular,
how do you get into "free flow" mode if you're a shy guy or an introvert?
I hope you didn't say "alcohol." That's not the route you want to take.
Sure it's great to have a few drinks. But alcohol doesn't get you in the zone. Too much alcohol generally takes you from "too nervous" to "acting stupid." And usually that happens without you even realizing it.
So how do you do it? Before we dive in, I'm going to make you a promise. If you follow the techniques I'm about to lay out, anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can get into the zone. You can basically hack your way in. Now of course, the first time you try this it's not going to work perfectly. Who cares.
If you practice this regularly for just a few weeks, you'll get really good, really fast. Then you can be the guy who's "free flowing" all over the place and seems to be the life of the party.
How To Get Into The Zone
Getting in the zone and entering "free flow" state actually starts before you get to the bar. It starts the moment you leave the house. You should start talking to lots of people as quickly as possible. Give "Hi's" and "Hello's" to everyone that walks by. Give strangers on the street or sitting on the subway high fives and fist bumps. Tell your buddies to do the same thing.
You want to create an incredibly lively vibe about yourself. You want to hear your own voice being projected loudly and clearly. This is particularly important if you're generally a shy, quite type of guy. For guys like this, the sound of your own voice being projected may sound strange. So keep it up until it seems normal. Believe me that if the first time you try to talk during the night is when you're approaching a hot girl, your voice is going to sound shaky, timid and uncertain. All bad things.
Also, forget the "Strong and Silent" type personality at this point. If you've read The Sexual Frame, put that frame on hold during this preparation stage. The sexual frame is critical for later on in the evening when you're already attracted a girl and now you need to start becoming quiet and mysterious. Right now, talk as much as possible to get into "talking mode."
Now just to round this out, what if you're not encountering anyone on the way to the venue? For example, you're driving there alone. In this case I highly recommend you leave 15 - 30 minutes earlier than you had originally planned and stop somewhere along the way to specifically do what I said above. For example, stop at a mall or a shopping center, park your car and then just go walk around talking to as many people as possible. You really want to make an effort to get prepared before you even get to the bar.
Start Pushing Interactions Further
Now however you're executing the Getting Into The Zone strategy above (whether natrually because there's people around, or you specifically stopped somewhere to do it), you want to start pushing interactions further. Here's what I mean:
- "Hi's" and "Hello's"
- Fist bumps and high fives
- Randomly complementing women with: "you look gorgeous" or "I love your style" or "love that dress" but then not doing anything else. You just keep walking.
- Randomly telling dudes: "I'm feeling that t-shirt bro" or "Dude, that hat, fucking awesome." Then you keep walking. You're not trying to start a conversation.
Do Level 1 techniques for a few minutes just to get started. The key is this" It doesn't matter what you say, as long as you're talking. Like you probably couldn't give two shits about the dude's t-shirt. Toss out a compliment anyway. This is practice talking and projecting your voice with strangers, nothing more.
- Turning compliments into brief conversations.
After a few minutes of warming up with Level 1, start trying to keep the conversation going with anybody you complimented. Ideally this would be with women, but it's perfectly fine to do with dudes if that's who happens to be around. The key here is practicing transitioning from a single statement into a short conversation with a stranger. For example:
If it's a girl, you could Make An Assumption or you could just tell her something random. It doesn't really matter. Even if your words come out all jumbled up, that's fine. Better to iron out all the kinks here so that you're free flowing once you get to the bar.
If it's a dude and you gave him the t-shirt compliment (or any clothing article compliment) you can ask "where'd you get it?" and then just get into a brief conversation about that.
When I say brief, these conversations should last 1 minute or less. Between 2 to 5 exchanges and you're done. Tell the person to "have a great night" and move on.
- Ask a girl for her number.
I highly recommend you do this at least once before getting to the bar. If you can do it a couple times, even better. Here's the key. It doesn't matter what the girl looks like. It doesn't matter if she rejects you. Nothing matters except that you do this at least once. It can be the most awkward ask you've ever done. You can compliment her. You can drop a stupid line. Doesn't matter. All you're doing here is getting into the zone.
Seriously if you can stop three girls on your way to the bar and after talking to them for less than one minute, just ask them for their number, you will arrive at the bar pumped and ready to go.
Keep in mind that as you progress from Level 1 to Level 3, you can keep doing Level 1 stuff the whole time. For example, say "hi" to three strangers and then ask a girl out. Mix it up.
To Recap: The point of this preparation period is to get you into a talkative mood where you're already used to interacting with, and even asking out, strangers. All before you even get to the bar.
How To Walk Into A Bar
Keep up what you're doing in the previous preparation phase the entire time before you enter the bar. If you're waiting in a line to get into the venue, keep up the talking. Ask a girl in line for her phone number. You should walk through door "guns blazing" so to speak.
The strategy I recommend for entering a bar is called: Storm The Beach
This is very similar to a combination of Phases 1 & 2 above. However you're going to stick primarily to women this time. If you want to fist bump a dude because the situation seems right, that's fine. But for the talking, stick to women.
You are now going to try to talk briefly to as many women as possible before you order a drink. It can be random high fives. It can be just stopping a girl and making a random assumption. It can be trying to push the conversation to the 2 - 5 exchanges we talked about.
Literally you're going to do (1) exactly what you were doing in the prep session and (2) exactly what you see all those "confident," "social" guys doing in bars: Just randomly talking to everybody (girls primarily).
First chick 1 minute. Next chick 1 minute. Two chicks 1 minute. And so on. Your friends should be doing this too. You guys want to be "having fun" not "hitting on girls." That's a key distinction. When you're talking to these girls, you are entertaining yourself. You are having a grand ol' time.
The mindset that you're just doing this for fun will make you attractive, mysterious and intriguing. Do this for 3 to 5 minutes. Think about this time as the time it takes to "walk to the bar." You are just on your way to get a drink at the bar (or you guys are on your way to get a table) and you're just doing this along the way.
Once you arrive at the bar, order your drink, take a sip and look around. You are now in free flow mode. You are now in the zone. And you've even briefly met half a dozen girls or more. Trust that the simple fact that you high-fived them or spoke to them even for 15 seconds gives you "something in common" with them. This makes reopening them later so much easier. And in the case where you're in a really packed place and will never see those girls again, it doesn't matter.
You are now in the zone. It's time for the fun to begin.