If you're struggling with conversation or nervous about getting stuck in those "awkward silences," then increase your conversational arsenal by starting to incorporate assumptions.
Making assumptions is literally about saying something random. For example, imagine if a girl you just met said to you: "you seem like you’re from California." (Assume for this example that you’re from anywhere except California).
How would you react? Most likely your response would be something to the effect of: “why do you think that?” Or “what makes you say that?”
Your response is basically just a knee-jerk reaction to an unexpected statement. It’s human nature to want to know why someone thinks something about us when there’s no apparent reason.
This is particularly true with women. Think about how much effort women put into their appearance. It's wonderful, by the way -- all that effort. I'm sure you appreciate it as much as I do. So imagine putting in 2 hours of effort before going out on the town and then one minute into a conversation a guy she barely knows says: "you know, you seem like you’re from California.”
She's going to "have to" know why he thinks that. Her mind will instantly be scanning through the possibilities. Is it her hair? Her dress? The way she's talking? The way she's sitting? What is a typical California vibe? Is she giving off that kind of vibe?
So just like you would ask about the assumption, 99% of the time, she's going to ask. That's why making assumptions is a great conversational technique -- because it (1) creates curiosity and (2) compels her to respond.
Reverse the situation again for a moment. Imagine if she had made the California assumption, you asked about it, and then she doesn't tell you. She acts like she's not exactly sure (i.e. sure why she thinks that). Then she changes the subject and moves on with some other conversational thread.
Would the assumption disappear? Would you forget about it? No. When someone tells you something random like that and then just moves on, it's almost impossible for the mind to forget. The statement would just be lingering there. Unfinished. Something for your subconscious to chew on while you two discuss other things.
And most likely, whether you want to admit it or not, whether you like it or not, you’re going to bring it up again later.
On the flip side, women will always bring it up again later. One of the key differences between women and men (that hopefully you're aware of) is that women never forget anything. Her mind will tuck that little assumption away for later. And that's a good thing. That's what you want. Because while her subconscious is silently mulling over the possibilities, what is she ultimately thinking about?
That's right. She's thinking about you because you're the one who made the assumption. She's subconsciously thinking about how mysterious you are. Only mysterious men make random assumptions. The fact that you don't tell her why makes it particularly mysterious. Mystery is interesting and highly attractive.
Here's an example of making an assumption, deferring the answer and then changing the subject:
You: “you know, you seem like you’re from LA.”
Her: “what makes you say that?”
You: “I don’t know...(looking like you’re really thinking about it)...there’s just something about you....I’m not sure...
You: “hey have you ever heard of Kaisen?”
Her: “what’s that?”
You: “it’s where you make small improvements to something in your life everyday, and eventually it adds up to a lot.”
Her: “is that what you do?”
You: “Yeah actually last week I started...” (and then you go into some story)
It’s as simple as that. You make an assumption. Then when she asks about it, you defer the answer and create a cliffhanger. As I said, you can be confident that she has not forgotten the assumption. Her subconscious is chewing on it. She’s curious about it, which makes her curious about YOU.
Note that doing this takes a little bit of "acting." For example, after you make the assumption and she asks about it, you have to look at her skeptically for a moment like you're really trying to figure it out. Squint your eyes. Put your index finger and thumb on the sides of your chin and pinch ever-so-slightly like you're in "thinking mode." Play it up. Have fun with it. There's no reason to rush. Give 2 or 3 seconds while you contemplate.
Changing The Subject
The second thing to note was changing the subject. This is another extremely important technique for keeping the conversation going and avoiding awkward silences. The key thing to understand is that you can change the subject to anything you want. Whatever is on your mind at the moment. If you're just starting out and you want to have a few "canned lines" or "canned go-to topics" that's fine. Change the subject to one of those. There really doesn't have to be any logical reason for bringing up the new topic.
I want to emphasize this point. Attraction is not logical. Attraction is an emotional response. Because attraction is not logical, attractive conversation does not need to go in any logical order. In fact, it shouldn't. Logical conversation is actually the #1 reason why women will say that a guy is "boring" or that he's "boring to talk to." Imagine a ping pong ball bouncing around inside of a big glass jar. It bounces around all over the place in random directions. This is how attractive conversation works. It bounces around without rhyme or reason. This is another way to create mystery and spontaneity about yourself. She's never quite clear where the conversation is going next. That's attractive.
So practice changing the subject at random, with no hesitation. It’s a great technique so you never get stuck and always have something to say.
Tell Her Something About Yourself
The next conversation technique utilized in the above example was: telling her something about yourself. Guys are often hesitant to do this, particularly at the initial, small-talk stage of a conversation. The reason they're hesitant is because the start thinking things like: "is that a good topic," “will she be interested in that,” “will she think that’s stupid,” etc.
If you take away one thing from this post, it should be this: when you need something to say, you can always just tell her something random about yourself. It doesn’t matter what. Any topic is a "good topic" if it's something genuine about yourself. Just say something and one conversational thread will naturally lead to another conversational thread. The truth is that she really just wants to learn about you, so telling her genuine things about yourself is attractive. It also keeps the conversation going and helps avoid "awkward silences" because you can always drop something about yourself if the conversation is waning.
What Kind of Assumptions to Make?
You can make assumptions about anything. When you're making assumptions at the beginning of a conversation, they will often be about simple "get to know you" types of topics. Think about it like this: anything that you would normally ask as a question (i.e. "where are you from," "what do you do for work," "what do you do for fun" -- all the usual suspects) can be changed into an assumption. Just assume where she's from, what she does for work or what she does for fun.
The key to making assumptions work is to make sure they're wrong (or at least not obviously right). If you assume something that's obviously right, it (1) doesn't spark any curiosity and (2) seems like you're just stating the obvious, which makes you seem boring.
For example, assume you're in LA talking to a woman and you say: “you seem like you’re from LA.” How's that going to look? Not good, right? She’s gonna look at you like you’re an idiot because you're stating the obvious. Even if she wasn't from LA it still seems like "the obvious." So make sure your assumptions are most likely wrong.
For example if you're in a bar in New York when you say the above line about being from LA, then it works.
Now what if you happen to be right, when it’s not obvious?
For example you drop the LA line in New York and her face lights up and she’s like: “how did you know?”
Or you make the assumption: “you seem like a yoga girl to me.” (Obviously you would say this when she WASN’T all decked out in yoga gear). And her response was: “Yeah totally. I’m an instructor down at Orange Theory.”
In these cases you happen to have assumed right, but it wasn’t obvious. That's fine. Then you just look very insightful for guessing something correct that wasn't obvious. When that happens you can do a couple things.
First - you can play it up that you're really insightful like: "Pssht, I always know where people are from." (You say things like this playfully, as a joke). If you do this one, give a second or two for the joke to sink in. She might roll her eyes. That's fine. Then just move on to the second thing:
Second - you can just ignore it and move forward on the same topic. For example:
You: “so what are your 3 favorite things about LA?” Or
You: “so what are the 3 biggest benefits to yoga that you would tell a new student?”
Let's clarify something here because this last example was asking her questions and a few moments ago I recommended changing questions into assumptions.
First Clarification: When you make assumptions, you want to sprinkle them in amidst the regular conversation. You still ask questions and respond to her questions, but you can throw in an assumption here or there. In your typical "meeting a girl" in the bar scenario, you might use 1 or 2 assumptions max the whole time you're talking to her. In no way does this article suggest to do nothing but make assumptions. That would just make you seem like a pain in the ass. This is a technique to sprinkle in to make you more mysterious and make the conversation different and more exciting that the stuff she gets from most guys.
Second Clarification: Sometimes in seduction articles you see the notion that you "shouldn't ask girls questions." That "questions are boring." That's nonsense. How are you going to learn anything about her if you don't ask her questions? So here's what those articles really mean:
Questions aren't inherently boring. Boring questions are boring.
Boring questions are the ones that seek short, yes/no type answers. Boring questions are the ones that she hears all the time. They are the ones that cause you to be constantly scrambling to come up with more questions.
For example, if you said to the LA girl in NY: “so you like LA?” Her response: “it’s OK.”
Now that’s boring. Your question required no real thought to answer. It was phrased in a way that begged for a short, boring answer. And now you need another question.
However if you change your question to be something like: "so what are your three favorite things about LA?" now she has to think. You're seeking a long, thoughtful answer. That's interesting and interesting is attractive. Now she will give you an answer with some substance to it. Whatever those three things are, you can then use any of them to continue the conversation by making assumptions or asking questions about those topics.
For example, let's say she says: “Sun. Sand. And all the sexy people.” Honestly, I hope that you'd get more of a response than that, but for the sake of this example I'm keeping it short. The point is that she tells you three things you can use to keep the conversation going.
So how do you respond?
You: (bad response): “that’s cool.”
You: (good response): “So whats the difference between 'LA sexy people' and 'NY sexy people?' Give me details.”
Your good response is another example of questions that require her to think and come up with answers of substance. Your bad response just leads to awkward silence and you fumbling around for what to say next.
Another thing that women love is men who are challenging. Conversation that is challenging. Right? Challenging doesn't mean an arm wrestling match. It means making her think. When you make her think, you’re challenging.
In this article we talked about making assumptions, changing the subject (leaving cliffhangers), telling her things about yourself, and asking questions that seek answers of substance and make her think. The methods for asking those types of questions were using phrases like "so what are 3 things," "what's the difference between," and "give me details."
Once you start incorporating these techniques into your conversational arsenal, you'll start seeing your interactions with women (1) become smoother and (2) more exciting. She'll start smiling more. She'll start turning towards you and moving closer to you. She'll start showing more interest because your conversation is attractive. Practice these techniques and you'll be on your way to making Endless Conversation.