Asperger’s Conversation With Women

When you’re responding to a question from a neurotypical, always operate under the assumption that she wants more information than she specifically asked for.


For example, let’s say you’re talking to a woman and she asks: “Where did you go to school?”

Think about yourself in a conversation and ask yourself how you would respond?

Would it be something like this:

“Michigan State.” or

“Michigan State, what about you?”

If yes, then you’re not currently operating under the assumption we laid out above.

The first response is the literal answer to the question.  But the neurotypical really wants more in order to have a conversation.

The second response also answers the question, but then quickly flips the responsibility for speaking back onto her.

There’s two things to understand here.  

First, when a neurotypical asks a question, most of the time, she is really asking a bunch of implied questions, and she expects you to (1) know that and (2) answer some of them.

Second, in a conversation, there is no benefit to you from flipping the responsibility to speak back onto her so quickly.  Guys generally do that when they’re nervous, because there can be a minor feeling of relief when it’s “her turn” to talk.

So when it comes to answering the implied questions, the first issue is solved if you follow the assumption above: you now assume that the implied questions are always there.

What about the second issue?  How do you know what her implied questions are?  The answer is: it doesn’t matter. All you have to do is think of any related question that might apply and answer it.


“Michigan State.  I actually was accepted to MS and the University of Michigan, but I chose MS because both my parents are alums there.  What about you?”

“Michigan State.  I did a biology major with a chemistry minor.  Not exactly the degree you would expect for a guy working at the Lansing State Journal I suppose.  What about you?”

“Michigan State.  I also did a 3 month study abroad tour in Santiago Chile during my junior year.  What about you?”

In these examples you answered the implied questions: Why did you choose that school? What was your major? Did you do any study abroad tour?

The second two examples have the added benefit of providing her with a new piece of information which she can ask about later.  In particular, What do you do at the State Journal? and: Tell me all about your 3 months in Santiago.

The point is that which “implied questions” you answer doesn’t really matter.  So you don’t need to be concerned with figuring out what she’s thinking.  Just think of any question related to the topic at hand and answer that.

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