Live In Your Own Reality
What does it mean to create your own reality? Particularly in the context of attracting beautiful women into your life?
This past weekend I was strolling along the boardwalk when two brunettes approached me out of nowhere. They both had rich mocha-colored hair that sparkled in the sunlight and fluttered in the ocean breeze. One of them was hot. The other was even hotter.
Hottie #1 was like: “excuse me...um, hey we normally don’t do stuff like this, but you’re like a really sexy looking guy.”
The Hottie #2 was like: “yeah you want to come have a drink with us right now?”
At this point you should be realizing that this story is complete horseshit.
Because even though I strive to always live in my own reality, I have yet to 'magically think up' two chocolate-haired beauties that are ready to make me the cream in their Oreo cookie.
So what does that mean: living in your own reality?
You hear that phrase a lot. Every piece of advice on attracting women says it. Every guy who's good with women says he does it.
But what is it? That part is usually left out.
Here’s what it means to me. Curious to hear what it means to you.
When it comes to attracting women, living in your own reality means: being completely focused on what you do want, and completely non-reactive to what you don’t want.
In the context of women, what you do want is: more women, hotter women, more interesting women, and likely a variety of other descriptive terms related to women.
What you don’t want is: awkwardness, rejection, onlookers laughing at you, and all the other “painful” reasons why men see hot women and then….do nothing.
What you “do” and “don’t” want will always be there. Living in your own reality doesn’t mean that the stuff you don’t want goes away. It means being so focused on what you do want, that there is no room left for your mind to entertain any of the things you don’t want.
Let’s call what you don’t want: noise.
There’s lots of noise out there everywhere. If you react to it, it controls you. It eats up your time and your life.
If you don’t react to it, it just fades away into a lite murmur in the background.
Let’s do an example.
Suppose you want to improve your game with women. You want to become amazing with women. You want to be one of those guys who seems magnetic with women.
You claim that you’re 100% focused on accomplishing that. And you start taking massive action toward that goal.
You join the gym. You start improving your conversation skills. You upgrade your wardrobe. You do all the things you’re supposed to do. Then you go hit on a hottie, and get rejected.
This is when a lot of guys make the biggest mistake of all: they start reacting to that rejection.
They feel bad. They feel embarrassed. They let the weight of the rejection drag them down for the rest of the day. They go on social media and Reddit and start telling everyone about it.
Now there’s all kinds of noise. Everyone and his grandmother is now either giving advice or telling the poor bastard that he’s an idiot.
Then he starts reacting to all of that noise. He starts talking about it. He starts arguing about it. He starts checking how many likes he got on his post.
And what happens when he spends the rest of the day reacting to all that noise?
He loses focus.
The intense focus he claimed to have had: down the toilet.
Often this isn’t just a one day thing either. Guys will dwell on this shit for days. Even weeks.
And all because they start reacting to something that they didn’t want. They started reacting to noise.
Now some of you might be thinking: “But shouldn’t I think about and analyze how the interaction with the girl went, so I can learn from the experience?”
That sounds like a very logical thing to do.
Here’s the problem. When you get rejected, do you usually get a reason? More specifically: do you usually get the real reason?
Sometimes you’ll get no reason at all: “sorry not interested.”
Sometimes you’ll get boyfriends: “sorry I have a boyfriend.”
Sometimes, she’ll just walk away. Or make an excuse like “I’m gonna go talk to my friends. Be right back.” And then she never comes back.
Sometimes you’ll think everything is going great and then she’ll just go silent: think Tinder, texting and social media.
So in these situations, do you know why she was “not interested?” Do you know if she really has a “boyfriend?” Do you know why she never came back or went radio silent?
It could be a million reasons, some of which have to do with you and some of which don’t.
Maybe the girl who said “sorry wasn’t interested,” was late for a doctor’s appointment. Maybe her mother just called to tell her about a death in the family. Maybe she just got fired at work. It could be anything.
You could have the best lines and banter in the world, which totally would work if you’d just met her at the club that evening; but right now, in the current moment, due to circumstances which are completely out of your control (and which you are completely unaware of), she not interested.
So what are you going to reflect on? That your lines and banter were shit? That you should scrap everything you've learned and start over?
You have no idea why she wasn’t interested. Everything you’re “analyzing” is just bullshit you’re making up in your head. It’s all noise.
Now if the reason did have to do with you?
In that case, there’s still nothing to analyze. You already know what you need to do. You need to build yourself up to the point of ridiculous confidence.
Just keep improving all the things you know about already: Hit the gym. Constantly work on making Endless Conversation with all the techniques you can find. Learn to fill her full of positive emotions. Learn to push and pull. Learn to touch. Upgrade your wardrobe. Build a social network. Focus. Focus. Focus.
If the rejection had to do with you, you already know what to focus on. If the rejection had to do with circumstances you were unaware of, there is nothing you can learn from the rejection by dwelling on it anyway.
So ignore the noise.
Remember that the next time the noise starts rearing its ugly head. If you get rejected. If other people see. If other people laugh. You just smile and walk away with your head held high.
And, this is key: the moment you start walking, you never think about the interaction again.
Instead you focus on improving all the important elements of game you already know about.
That’s being non-reactive to the situation. And that’s an example of living in your own reality.
If you have other methods of living in your own reality when it comes to attracting women, please share.