Know How to Exit an Approach Gracefully — It Makes Pick Up so Much Easier

I’ve never robbed a bank. But in the movies the bandits always have a three-part plan: (1) get in, (2) handle business, (3) get out.

Having an exit plan applies to everything. Does a military unit execute a mission without an extraction plan? Don’t all schools, hotels (and lots of other places) have evacuation plans posted on the wall? Of course the do. So why do most game discussions only focus on (1) getting in and (2) handling business? Getting out is almost never discussed.

Why?

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The most likely reason is that the point of game isn’t to get out. The point is to get in. And then to really get it in, not too long thereafter.

I agree with that.

But after posting “Fuck It” (Part 1) -- The Magic Words, I received an interesting PM from a reader. The message was essentially this:

He is less fearful of the actual rejection, and more fearful of being “stuck” in an awkward, uncomfortable silence, where the girl hasn’t fully rejected him, but she’s looking at him like a creeper, and he’s not sure if he should leave, and he’s not sure how to leave (without just sulking off with his tail between his legs). Basically he’s standing inside a bubble of embarrassment, unsure what to do, and that sucks.

In his case, it would be preferable if the girl was just like: “No.” And then she walked away. Because in that scenario, yes there is a rejection, but there is no awkwardness, there are no uncomfortable silences, there are no moments of uncertainty where you’re standing in the embarrassment bubble with some disgusted spotlight shining on you.

After reading this, I realized that all of this concern relates to one simple thing: The Outtro. If you don’t have a good exit plan, a good (practiced) outtro, you’ll be afraid of getting stuck in uncomfortable awkwardness. And if you’re afraid of that, it’s more likely you won't initiate the approach in the first place. And it’s more likely you will perform poorly during execution.

Thus: Having a prepared, practiced, solid outtro, makes you more comfortable from the start, and makes it more likely you will execute the approach. And perform well.

Look at the other scenarios. Are the bank robbers more comfortable going in when they have a well thought out (and practiced) exit plan? Of course. What about the brigade commander? Is he more comfortable when central command has laid out a detailed extraction plan? Or does he prefer the general to be like: yeah….so just parachute into hostile territory, execute, and then….ya know….just like give me a ring-a-ling….and we’ll figure something out?

“Duh” is probably an appropriate response to that question.

So here’s the key: master the outtro (1) not because you want to exit, but (2) because having an exit plan makes you more comfortable from the getgo, making it more likely you will approach (at all), and more likely you will execute well (because you’re more comfortable).

So, what’s the first step?

Well, Step 1 is to identify a simple outtro. One that can basically apply to any situation. And Step 2 is to practice it. Like my recommendations in “Fuck It” (Part 1), practice it until it’s second nature, in your back pocket, ready to go.

Here is the simplest outtro I know: “You have a great day.” Say it boldly, with confidence and masculinity in your voice. Then just turn and walk away. Head up, shoulders back. Simple.

In practice you will tailor the outtro with a simple starter word/phrase, depending on the situation just before you use it. Examples:

  1. Thanks! You have a great day.
  2. You’re Welcome! You have a great day.
  3. Totally get it. You have a great day.
  4. Cool. You have a great day.
  5. Well, good talk. You have a great day.

These 5 versions cover basically anything she might have said, just before you outtro.

The first 3 are perfect when she’s being nice, but it's also going nowhere, and you want out.

Examples:

  1. Girl: “I’m gonna have to pass. But you’re a sweetheart for asking.” You: “Thanks! You have a great day.”
  2. Girl: “Sorry, I’m not interested. But thanks for asking.” You: “You’re welcome! You have a great day.”
  3. Girl: “Yeah...no. I told you I have a boyfriend.” You: “Totally get it. You have a great day.”

The 4th one is perfect if she’s being a bitch, or if it looks like she’s about to be a bitch, and you want to make a pre-bitchiness exit.

Also, while I’m not a big “double guns” guy, I definitely like the “double point” with number 4.

Here’s a link to an example of the double point:

https://www.gq.com/story/worst-owners-in-sports-list

To me the double point used in this scenario has two effects. First, it shuts her down for an instant. Second, it basically acts as a “fuck you”, while still showing you’re a classy dude who doesn’t actually have to say “fuck you” :-). Mad props for being a classy dude.

Examples:

  1. Girl: “I think you need to go away.” You: “Cool. (insert double point) You have a great day.”
  2. Interrupter Version: Girl: “I already dun told you that you needs to gettin’ the fuck aw---” You: “Cool. (insert double point) You have a great day.”

Hopefully you see how saying “cool,” with slightly louder tone than normal, while dropping the double point, will momentarily shut her down. Just enough time for you to politely drop the rest of the outtro, and walk.

The 5th one is for the awkward, uncomfortable, embarrassing, spot-light silences, where you just need a masculine, dignified, confident, out.

When awkwardness starts setting in, just say: “Well, good talk. You have a great day.” Then walk away (again, shoulder back, head up, confidence bubbling out of you to the point where she might actually think -- “oh shit, maybe I shouldn’t have let that one go”).

That’s it.

Now you will never get stuck in awkwardness. You always have a way out.

And don’t worry about which one to say. You speak English, so the appropriate one will just come out based on the situation.

I promise that the comfort of knowing you won’t get stuck in awkwardness, will make approaching so much easier (and likely that you will do it).

Step 2. How to Master the Outtro. This is super simple.

First: Start with practice at home. Bathroom mirror of course. Just look in the mirror with confidence and say the outtros. Mix’em up. 10 times in the morning, 10 times at night. Do that for 3 days. That should be enough, but if not, do it until they roll smoothly off the tongue.

Don’t forget to practice the double point with number 4 ;-).

Second: Do this when you’re walking past, or standing near, any random woman (doesn’t have to be someone you’re attracted to). Just say: “Hey, I love that blouse.” Or: “hey, I love those shoes.”

Say it with enthusiasm, like you really mean it. Whether or not you actually love the blouse or shoes is irrelevant. We’re practicing here.

Her most likely response is: “Thanks.” It might even be like: “Thanks?” where she sounds a little unsure. Either way, you say: “You’re welcome. You have a great day.” Then walk off. Simple.

Practice that 10 times over the course of a week and it will feel totally natural.

That’s it. Once you’ve mastered the simple outtro, you’re approach game will feel so much more natural and comfortable, since you won’t be afraid of getting stuck.

*Final Note:*

The purpose of “Fuck It” Part 2 is to get you to master the outtro, solely so you can be more comfortable with approach. Practicing anything more isn’t really the point. However, I’ve only provided one possible response in the: compliment her blouse/shoes, drop the outtro exercise. The response was that she says “thanks.” In my experience that is the most likely response. However, here are two others I’ve gotten, just so you’re fully prepared.

Instead of “thanks”, she says anything standoff-ish or rude. Or she just ignores you. In this case, just use: “Cool. You have a great day.”

This is a funny one which I’ve gotten a few times. You say you love her blouse, and she says something like: “Oh really? What do you love about it?” (that usually comes with a playful smile).

This one might catch you off guard, so I thought I’d mention it. The simplest response, if you’re just starting, or nervous, or just want out, is this:

Smile and say: “Ha ha. You’re too witty for me. You have a great day.” And leave.

However, here’s another since we’re all just practicing here, and what do we say, that’s right, “fuck it.” Just try this because it’s funny, and humor goes a long way. Note this only works if her blouse and shoes DO NOT match.

She says: “What do you love about it.” You say:

(If you used blouse in the first approach): “I love that it matches your shoes.” (If you used shoes) “I love that it matches your blouse.”

Most likely response is: “No it doesn’t”

To which you say: “I know, but when we meet for drinks this weekend, can you wear a blouse and heels that do match?”

My experience is she will probably laugh at that. And from there it could go anywhere. So just have fun with it. And remember “fuck it.” And if it gets awkward at that point, use another outtro and leave.

And with any of this, as you’re walking away, give yourself a huge smile, and be happy you manned up and did it. Rejection or not, you will feel amazing.

Last thing: if the blouse and shoes do happen to match. Your fall back is “I love that it matches your hair.” And the next part is basically the same, except substituting hair.

And if the blouse and shoes and hair all match each other, don’t approach that woman, because that’s just weird.

Absolute Last Thing: Remember the the purpose of “Fuck It” Part 1 and “Fuck It” Part 2 is simply to give you tools to help at a single critical moment: the moment when you must make a decision: approach or not approach. The tools are designed to make it more likely that you will approach (outcome be damned), because (1) well, “fuck it” who cares about the outcome and what other people think, because the feeling of knowing is oh so sweet. And (2) you always have an easy way out and will never be stuck in awkwardness, so you’re comfortable and more likely to approach.

Nothing in these two posts addresses, how to approach, when to approach, how to walk, how to talk, how to ooze confidence, what to say, how to make her drip with your masculine eye contact, or anything else. I plan to address these items in future posts, and I hope you’re interested in reading about them.

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