Why You Get Ghosted & Ignored
We’ve all had it happen. The conversation seems to be going great. The date seems to be going great.
And then....excuses, delay, shorter responses, and finally….silence.
Of course sometimes she skips all those middle steps and just goes straight to the silence.
But why? Everything seemed to be going great.
You can’t seduce a woman if she is content. A woman is content when what you seem to offer: she either (1) has already or (2) can easily get somewhere else.
For example, you hear guys talking about girls validating themselves with beta orbiters. This is basically her seeing if she’s content. She leads a guy on just enough so he starts showing what he offers. When she sees it’s nothing more than what she can get from 100 other guys, she ignores him. She’s content already. This guy offers nothing more, new, or intriguing.
Here’s the problem with the approach of the beta orbiters. They are focusing on everything they can offer her without spending any time trying to identify what she lacks. What she’s insecure about. What she’s longing for. What’s creating a void in her life.
They don’t think about what she lacks because they approach her as a perfect creature who doesn’t lack anything.
It’s like if you just got new tires on your car. Then suddenly you start seeing ads for tire deals. Those ads are not particularly persuasive (seductive) because you’re content already. The ad is not targeting something you lack.
All women lack something. She may look like the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, but that appearance is hiding unfulfilled desires, wants and needs.
That’s why the bad boy personality is generally believed to be so seductive. Because the bad boy offers her something that she lacks. Adventure. Excitement. Whatever the case may be.
But the bad boy doesn’t just walk up to her and proclaim that he’s adventurous and exciting. Like any true seducer, he identifies what she lacks and desires, and exploits it.
Now “exploit” doesn’t imply he’s being mean, rude or an asshole. It means he focuses the conversation onto what she lacks, rather than how great she is. This is a subtle focus, because if you focus on this too hard, you can make her feel bad to the point where she goes away. That would be pointless. So the focus needs to be soft and presented in a semi-joking way.
For example, assume a woman says that she just broke up with her boyfriend.
A beta ‘she’s so wonderful’ response would be something like: “oh don’t worry, you’re such a great girl, such a sweetheart, you’ll find a great guy (like me!) in no time.”
That kind of response doesn’t focus on what’s lacking. It focuses on how great she is and her abilities and how everything will have a nice Hollywood ending.
A seducer response would be the opposite. Something like (this is said as a joke, with a smirk): “That’s terrible. You may be doomed to be alone forever. I could probably get you a discount on Kleenex for the tears, if you want to stock up.”
She will likely giggle at that and punch you in the shoulder.
And even though it’s said as a joke, the seducer is still focusing on the lack. Focusing on what’s missing. Making her focus on what she’s missing.
When she focuses on this, it creates a feeling of discontentment. That’s what a seducer needs. Something to be missing, that he is the solution for. A gap that he can fill.
The bad boy, for example, is the solution to all those boring $300 steak & lobster dinners she’s had to drudgingly go to with “nice guys” over the past few weeks.
You know that Cupid’s Arrow (you know that little winged dude with the bow who makes appearances on Valentine’s Day) is a symbol of making the lack appear right? When he hits her with the arrow she feels pain, it cuts a hole into her that needs to be filled. Then some lover-boy can gallantly appear to fill it.
That metaphor of creating and exposing her need and desire so you can be the one to fill it goes back through the ages. It’s no different now. Make her feel the lack and focus on what she’s missing so you can fill that void.
That’s how you seduce. All the tips, techniques and tricks you hear about are various versions of that. For example: Say things that stand out (because they help expose lack in her other options). Pull away, have your own life (because it exposes that her other options lack interest and desire for anything but her). Say whatever you want (because it exposes that her other options lack the confidence to converse in similar fashion).
It’s all about finding what she’s missing and being the guy to fill it (figuratively, and literally I suppose). And every women, even the 10s, are lacking something.