5 Ways to Know If You’re:
Playing to Win?  Or Playing Not to Lose?


Improving yourself and your pick-up game is an awesome thing to do.  It’s fun too.  And it becomes really fun once you’re consistently getting more numbers, more dates, hotter girls, etc.


So how is your pick-up game going?  Are you out there slayin girls left and right, or are you stuck on something?


Maybe you’re seeing inconsistency in results.  Maybe you’re getting a lot of 6s and 7s, but for some reason, those 9s and 10s you see everywhere are still eluding you.


Whatever the case may be, if you’re game isn’t where you want it to be, then it’s time to ask yourself: Are You Playing To Win?  Or Are You Playing Not To Lose?


Here’s 5 ways to know:


1.  Hesitation Causes You To Miss Opportunities


Hesitation in front of women can be good or bad.  If you’re doing it on purpose it can be good.  For example, if you’re exchanging a few glances with her while you’re engaged in conversation with other chicks (or other people in general), then it can be good.  It can demonstrate that other chicks are interested in you and that other people are excited to talk to you.  It can demonstrate that you’ve got other things to do and immediately going over to talk to her isn’t the top thing on your priority list. 


When done with a flirty confidence (i.e. she gets the message that you see her, you looked at her just a few moments too long, but you’re busy working the room right now) it can cause a lot of favorable tension and anticipation to build.  And it can make her all-the-more excited to talk to you when you ultimately make your way over there.


However, if you’re hesitation is not intentional, then you’re immediately sending the wrong signals.  For example, if you’re standing with friends, but not particularly engaged in conversation, then you’re not “busy.”  You’re not “working the room.”  If you look at her “a little too long” in this case, but then don’t do anything, she immediately gets the signal that you’re nervous and/or you perceive her as being of higher social value (higher status) than yourself.  Women can get that message almost instantly and it’s a total turn off which is difficult for you to recover from.


So when you analyze your current game, if you determine that you’re still hesitating unintentionally, then this is a critical issue you must address.  The “bonus points” you get in her mind by being a decisive guy who just walks over within a few seconds of making eye contact (i.e. in the situations where you’re not busy; where you’re not hesitating on purpose) is way more important to attraction than any stumbling you might do during the conversation once you get there.


2.  You’re Low-balling Yourself


What kind of chicks are you bedding these days?  6s?  7s?  8s?  If you’re consistently bedding girls in this range and can’t seem to get 9s and 10s, there is only one reason. 


Really.  Only one.


It’s because: YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU DESERVE 9s and 10s.


You can say you want 9s and 10s.  You can say that you believe it.  But somewhere inside of your subconscious, you have convinced yourself that you don’t deserve it.


Think about it this way.  You read a lot about game.  You discuss game with other dudes.  Have you ever seen anybody say: do this kind of game in order to get 8s, but do that kind of game in order to get 10s?  Of course not.  There’s no difference in what you’re supposed to do in order to bed 8s versus 10s.  The game is the same.


The difference is what you believe you deserve.  When you go out, what you’re most likely doing is seeing 8s and 10s and subconsciously deciding that you don’t deserve 10s.  Then you just go after the 8s.


The solution to this is to start approaching women who are “out of your league.”  When you first do this, you’ll probably get rejected.  What’s important is to realize that the reason you’re getting rejected all boils down to one thing.  You still don’t believe you deserve these girls.  And they can sense that.


However, after you do this a few times, you’ll start to see that talking to 10s is no different than talking to 8s.  After that, you’ll slowly start to believe that you deserve (and can get) these girls.  Then you’ll get one.  And after that, you’ll really start to believe.


3. You’re Losing Momentum


Nearly everything you want to accomplish in life requires momentum.  Think about any project, passion or idea that you’ve started, but have then let slip to the back-burner.  It just sits there, day after day, and nothing gets done.  And it’s all because you lost momentum.


Pick-up is no different.  If you want to get good, you need to take consistent action.  You just need to keep doing it, no matter the outcome of any particular approach.  Every approach will teach you something.  Every approach will build your momentum.


If you really want to get good, then make it a point to approach a minimum of 1 girl per day in the midst of your daily routine.  Make it a habit.  Something you do everyday on the way to work or after school.  If you do that enough, you’ll feel like the day is incomplete if you forget to make an approach.  Once you get to that point, approaching will be second nature and your momentum will be enormous.


4. Other People’s Thoughts Are Still Bothering You


When you play to win, other people aren’t going to like it.  As sad as that may be, the reality is that many people hate to see others succeed.  They hate it mostly because it exposes their own failures.  Misery loves company, as they say.


You have to come to terms with the fact that other people aren’t going to like seeing you win.  These people may be “friends,” co-workers, strangers, dudes in the bar, whatever.  These people may laugh at you.  They may insult you.  They may fill your head with all kinds of pessimistic thoughts about even the idea of trying to improve your game.


If you want to win, you have to ignore these voices and thoughts completely.  And realize that the more success you have, the more the negative voices will appear.  The most successful people in the world are the ones who also have the most haters.


By the way, if you want to truly get back at these people, just have massive success.  As Frank Sinatra said: “the best revenge is massive success.”


5. You’re Still Giving A Fuck


Guys who don’t care about pulling women are the ones who pull women left and right.  Guys who want to pull women so badly are the ones who always go home alone.  It’s the ultimate irony.  Human beings run from what chases them and chase what runs from them.  If you want a girl, she runs from you.  If you don’t give a fuck, she chases you.

Concerning yourself with “outcome” is like carrying a bag of bricks around on your shoulder.  It’s heavy and tiresome.  And it makes it harder to achieve the very outcome you desire.  So just set those bricks down.  Tell yourself that you don’t care about the outcome.  Repeat it over and over if necessary.  Once you do that, you’ll find the outcome you desire is actually much easier to achieve. 


Fuck it.   



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